It tickles me when people call romance an unrealistic genre. Admittedly, it tickles me even more that I too felt HEA was unrealistic before getting into romance, despite being in a reasonably happy relationship at the time.

Ideas have such a strange way of overshadowing reality, even if you're experiencing that reality for yourself.

Among many eye opening things about reading and writing romance, one in particular sticks out at me: that each relationship in existence is different to every other relationship around it.

Not every online romance will unfold the same way, because the circumstances will be different, and the people involved will be different. Relationships don't all start with a meet cute — sometimes the couple despise each other at the start, and only later learn to get along.

So when I hear things along the lines of romance novels giving readers false expectations of relationships, it seems so strange to me. I mean, yes, maybe I never met a cute librarian boy with a lost puppy in my twenties, but you never know. This is a great big diverse world. Maybe someone did!

I know long-term couples who started with an Insta-love moment. I went to school with Highschool Sweethearts, and got to know Second Chance Romance MCs. I've watched Office Romances and Friends to Lovers develop right before my eyes. These hilarious and sometimes ridiculous tropes exist somewhere in the world. They're a reality for someone (but maybe not your average romance critic).

Can you see how it's hard to point at one romantic template and say this is how everyone should expect their relationship to go?

Counterpoint: I think romance novels can actually serve as healthy reading. They can help a reader set standards for what they're willing to accept in a relationship. Where toxic social norms still exist, courageous romance novels are a gentle tap on one's shoulder, whispering encouragingly, "Hey, you shouldn't have to put up with that."

It's not wrong to want a supportive partner who shows up and makes an effort for you, whether it's through a Grand Gesture or a more private and intimate turning point. That's a healthy expectation, if you ask me. Healthy and realistic.